


i wish you'd be here with me

by georgerus63



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: After Bahrain, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Roscoe is a emotional support dog we all need right now, george is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:00:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgerus63/pseuds/georgerus63
Summary: "the highs can be very high and the lows can be very low"Or: George has to learn the painful way that a shiny fast car alone can't bring you happiness
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/George Russell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 81





	i wish you'd be here with me

**Author's Note:**

> This is me coping with what happened yesterday, I'm sorry it is just very short but it was written overnight and was just supposed to be something small.
> 
> I hope you really enjoy it, maybe leave some kudos and comments! :)

So close.

So freaking close.

George can feel his eyes sting, hiding his face behind the towel, tears threatening to fall again.

There are cameras pointed at him, trying to capture every second of his hurt and George wants to scream at them, yell at them to leave him alone.

But he has no more energy left, his body working on autopilot. 

He takes a few sips from his water bottle, Aleix must have pressed it into his hands at some point and stares into the void, thinking about what could have been. 

Emptiness and tiredness are spreading through him but before he can wallow in his own pity more, his Mercedes press officer drags him towards the pen, more hungry cameras pointed towards him. He can see the news already, filled with false pitiful headlines in his favour.

They all ask him the same questions, how does he feel after this, is he angry at Mercedes making him lose that opportunity.

George answers with what the team wants to hear, not what he thinks. He's gutted sure but he had a huge opportunity to prove himself with such a big team today.

Until the biggest and most perfect team fucked it up. On the inside he's broding with anger, frustration and well, a sense of giving up. Why is he trying any longer, why-? What is he even doing this for?

Natalie is ripping him out of his thoughts, trying to motivate him with cheerful words but he can't take it anymore - all the 'his time will come', he just needs to wait.

No, he wants it now, he wants what Lando and Alex have - a car that makes it able to get into the points, to end up on the podium. He ignores the small voice in the back of his head that tells him even his friends don't have perfect weekends all the time but all his frustration overrules. He deserved this. A podium. Those points just feel like nothing now.

His PR takes him back to the motorhome, tells him about the upcoming meeting with his engineers and that he has been summoned to the stewards, a possible disqualification swinging over his head and George feels the last bit of strength he had disappear.

"George!" Charles stops him, looking equally tired and George forces a smile on his lips, the cameras already pointed on them.

"You did great today."

_ No I did not. _

"Sure. Shame your race ended this early, could've been a good one." 

"Seems like we both don't have any luck in Bahrain." 

_ But you were in a better car last year. _

"Yeah, it's a shame." If he's being honest here, he knows next race he's back at Williams and fights for a meaningless Q2 and a sad 14th or lower place, this was his only chance for years.

They both know their small talk is more PR than anything but all other things are better said in private, far away from the blinding lights of the cameras, they will probably text later.

When George finally makes his way back to the motorhome, Toto wants to see him in his office, so he drags himself upstairs, receiving a few well meant pats on his shoulders by the team members.

The Austrian looks up from his laptop when George walks in and gives him a sad smile and the Brit swears he can't see them one more time before he explodes.

"George that was-" Toto stops and just pulls him in a hug, softly caressing his back. 

"It was more than we ever expected today, you did great. This wasn't your fault okay?" He pushes George gently away and looks into the tired eyes of the young Brit, exhausting written over both their faces. "I'm sorry. We can't change the results now but remember that you gave your best today. Take your time to refresh and then come to the debrief, we can start a bit later before you need to go to the stewards." 

George thanks him, forces himself to smile and when the moment seems right, he quickly excuses himself, slipping into his driver's room and locks the door before anyone can send him more sad glances. Well more like Lewis' room.

Lewis.

With shaking fingers he grabs his phone, the screen lighting up with more and more messages he gets, encouraging words from friends and family members but they all don't matter now.

_ You did great, I love you  _

A simple text, six words and still George can feel a comfortable warmness spreading in his chest as he unlocks the device and dials the number he knows by heart.

It rings two times before he can hear the rough voice of his boyfriend.

"George?"

"Lewis-" He chokes out, vision already clouding with tears.

"Hey babe, calm down." He hears him say but George can't stop the tears anymore, they're already falling down his cheeks as sobs tore from his throat.

"You did great. You were fucking amazing." Lewis whispers, while George can hear Roscoe whining softly in the background. 

"I miss you-" He chokes out after he starts to calm down, his breath still unsteady and his face blotchy from the tears. "I want to see you."

He hears the soft sigh and his heart starts to clench painfully. 

"George-"

"I miss you. I miss you so much. I just want to hug you, Lewy." George whispers as he doesn't trust his voice anymore. He's worried about his boyfriend and as much as this weekend has been his biggest opportunity in his career, he rather wanted to battle his boyfriend, not Valtteri.

"You know we can't. Just a few more days…" Lewis coughs and George's heart clenches at his boyfriend spending another night alone in a hotel room, locked away from him. He misses their soft touches and kisses, Lewis holding him after disappointing days like this.

"Please-"

"No," Lewis' voice is firm but still gentle, rough from the cough.

George sighs, putting Lewis on speaker as he starts to take off his race suit, the hot and sweat drenched clothing starting to scratch his skin and he feels like he can't get enough air anymore.

"George?" Lewis asks when he stays quiet and George feels how his chest starts to tighten suddenly, his shaking hands grabbing the small table he put the phone on.

"George? Babe? Are you okay?" Lewis asks again, the worry clear in his voice.

"I don't know, it's useless, I'm useless-"

"George, breathe. Deep breaths, come on, do it for me. I know you can do it." Lewis' voice cuts through the static crackling noises in his ear and head and it's just so… calming.

"Come George, follow me and breathe. In….Out….In...Out…" Lewis continues and George forces himself to follow, letting the older guide him gently like he does so often.

"I love you." He wheezes out, lungs filling with enough air again to clear his vision finally.

"I love you too." Lewis whispers and George grabs the phone to press it onto his ear again, head still a bit dizzy from the lack of oxygen as he sits down, tears fresh in his eyes.

"I miss you so much Lew… how are you?" 

"Headaches… my throat still hurts a lot but the fever is down and nearly gone. I miss you too, I wish I could hug you right now."

"Might sneak in." George half-heartedly jokes, expecting Lewis' weak protests any second. 

"No you're not." His boyfriend says, voice firm despite the scratchiness.

A short knock interrupts them and Aleix peaks around the door, eyeing the young Brit worried. "George? Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, just-" He gestures to his phone, his trainer knows about their relationship and nods. "The meeting starts in five, might start to prepare. And change clothes."

"Mmh." George hums and he can hear Lewis defeated sigh, he knows Lewis wants to be there, in the car.

"We can talk later?" George continues when Aleix isn't leaving but sorting through his clothes and puts another water bottle down in front of him.

"If I'm still awake." Lewis admits and George's heart breaks a bit, he wishes for nothing else than to be with his boyfriend now, hugging him and being there for him. He also desperately needs the older close, to calm him down, his emotions still running high.

"I love you." George whispers again, cheeks burning red as Aleix sends him a soft smile.

"I love you too. And George, remember that this was not your last race. You did so well, all those overtakes, you should be really proud of yourself. I am proud of yourself, you took great care of my car."

"Thanks…" He whispers, no other words left, his brain feels empty.

When Lewis has hung up after some more encouraging words and a soft goodbye, he doesn't move and Aleix gently takes his phone away and hands him a few Mercedes clothes to change after he takes a shower.

The rest happens in a blur, the meeting is mostly his, well Lewis', engineers trying to cheer him up as they go through the data, everything needs to be analysed and perfect for when Lewis returns next week.

The meeting with the stewards goes equally well, Bono is there with him and they let him have his points, a small victory this night.

When he's back at the motorhome, Aleix has packed all his stuff already, ready to go back to the hotel for his last night in Bahrain.

"Ready to leave this behind?" His trainer jokes but George doesn't feel ready. He wants to stay at Mercedes, as much as he loves Williams but look, this is what he  _ deserves _ . He didn't come into the highest level of this sport with nothing, he was champion before. He could do it again, he just needs a better car. And as much as he doesn't want to show it, he hates how he can't do more in the Williams while his friends succeed, struggling at the back week after week.

Jealousy is an ugly monster and George forces those thoughts back in his mind, it's because he's still frustrated he tells himself, his friends are the last people who deserve to be thought about like that. George knows they have their own demons to fight with.

They make him shoot another video with a greeting for the fans before it's really over, he says goodbye to the team, thanks them for everything. It might have been a small step forward but today he showed his potential, James told him that multiple times while Bono and Toto agreed through their meeting. 

The next time, your time will come, George wants to scream again as people tell him that on his way out of the paddock. When will his next time be? In a few years? 

Aleix gives him a light slap on his shoulder, it seems his trainer can sense his dark thoughts and George just shrugs as they walk towards the car.

The ride to the hotel is short and quiet, George is tired, exhaustion settling in his bones as he thinks about another shower, the one at the hospitality was way too short. When they arrive, Angela greets them in front of the building, a gentle expression half hidden behind the mask she's carrying.

George nearly misses her but then Roscoe next to her lets out a loud bark as soon as he spots George and the Brit feels like crying again. The dog is the only company Lewis had the past days and he knows why Angela awaits him here. Lewis is willing to give him his only source of comfort, to make sure he's doing okay.

"Hey heads up, mini champ, you did great!" She greets him, her eyes shining gently in the night lights as she embraces George tightly, ignoring Aleix' comment that George is hardly 'mini'.

"Don't worry I completely disinfected myself and Roscoe," She mumbles behind the mask as she presses Roscoe's leash into his hand. "Those two really missed you but sadly only one of them can see you at the moment." 

George smiles sadly as he picks the dog up who barks excitedly at him and pulls him close, a happy feeling spreading through him.

"Lewis really misses you and wants me to tell you again that you did a spectacular job and I think so too. You made Valtteri look quite old with that overtake, good job. Your time will really come George but patience is sadly always part of the way." The physio smiles warmly at him and for the first time of the evening George knows it is real, one hundred percent honest. No fake media support, not the half-hearted, muttered congratulations by Mercedes and Williams team members in order to get him up.

Roscoe licking his cheek is the only thing that stops him from crying again while Angela gives him another tight hug.

"Tell him I miss him too. And that I can't wait until he's back."

"Of course. But maybe do that yourself tomorrow, a good night's sleep often helps to get over it. Phone him when he's awake, he's having a hard time too."

George feels his heart sink at those words but Angela shakes her head. "Don't think about going to him, there's plenty of time after he's back." She sounds so strict, she reminds him of his mother and George makes a note to phone her later, it's probably too late in Britain now to call his parents. Roscoe is pressed tightly against his chest when Angela leaves and Aleix gently pushes him towards the hotel. Roscoe may only be a small comfort but he takes it, cuddling with Roscoe tonight is better than hugging cold blankets, it feels like a part of Lewis is there with him after all.

Five days later, he's back in the paddock at the Williams garage, definitely not driving for Mercedes. He enjoys the jokes his mechanics make, mocking him about getting cocky now that he got a taste of the real car and that he can't ignore the blue flags this weekend.

He just smiles, he's over it mostly. Lewis', Angela's and Aleix' kind words build him up a lot, Roscoe warmth had helped that night when he woke up, drenched in sweat after a nightmare, letting the Brit sob into his soft fur and his hands clenched the sheets, wishing for Lewis to be there.

He's on his way to get some lunch before another round of interviews when a pair of arms wraps tightly about him.

He knows who it is, the aftershave is the one he smelled so many times before, giving him comfort.

"Lewy," He breathes out before turning around and tightly hugging his smaller boyfriend. "You're back!"

"Of course. Can't let you have all the fun alone on the last weekend." Lewis whispers as he makes sure they're staying hidden from cameras in the shadow of the Williams entrance to the garage.

"I missed you, fuck I was so worried." George feels tears sting in his eyes, this time they're happy tears.

Lewis hums softly and gently strokes his hair. "I can't believe I missed your first weekend at Mercedes. I thought I'd be there with you or at least be in the garage."

"Next time I'm driving that car, please promise me we do it together." George whispers and Lewis lets out a soft laugh.

"God yes. But I won't go easy on you, don't even think about that babe."

"I would never." George wants to kiss him so badly, wraps his arms about Lewis' neck and just kiss him like the world ends tomorrow but they can't, the risk of being caught too high.

They stay in each other's arms a while longer until Aleix interrupts them, they're on a tight schedule and George reluctantly lets go of his boyfriend.

"Tonight," Lewis whispers and pushes a key card into his hands before winking at George, who feels a good feeling spreading through his veins while his cheeks turn red. The older then makes his way through the paddock, Angela close to him with Roscoe again and George feels content.

This might not be how he wanted it but small steps. The first one, he did last week by showing the world what he is capable of. The second one will follow later when his time will really come. And Lewis will be there with him.

"Remember you have a race on Sunday and your bruises aren't completely away yet." Aleix reminds him and George groans loudly.

"Don't give me that talk now, will you!"

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: georgerus63


End file.
